Casting About

Get it?  ...casting on stitches to begin a new project...casting a wide net in the hopes of catching something...looking about to figure out the next steps.  It's where I am right now.  

I'm learning to knit - the first step is to cast on stitches.  It's not so easy.  The type of cast on, the tension in the yarn, making sure the yarn doesn't twist - all of these things set the tone for the rest of the project.   If you make a bad decision in the beginning, the rest of the project won't turn out very well.  I'm trying to add some symbolism and deep seeded meaning to this.  Crochet got me through the past year.  Maybe knitting is what's right for the coming year.

I have been starting an obscene amount of new projects and activities recently.  Part of it is wanting to be more active and to engage my mind.  That's a good sign!  Right?  

I volunteered to make posters at the boys' school.  Of course, I jumped in feet first and went completely overboard.  I designed a restaurant night logo.  Made the posters dry erase and reusable. Then...I made fifteen of them.  Some of them weren't big enough.  I made them bigger.  It was ridiculous.  I know that.  I was actually a little embarrassed after I finished.

Join us!!  It's fun!!!

Join us!!  It's fun!!!

I volunteered to do Art In Action for my son's kindergarten class.  Once a week, I go in and teach a one hour class on art.  (No art classes in their school - don't get me started.)  I love doing it.  I'm an architect, not an artist. I know little bits and pieces about a range of art, but nothing in-depth about any one artist or movement.  I've enjoyed reading up on different artists.

I felt that the kids weren't really grasping our recent lesson on Japanese screens.  So, I did some research.  I found out that several museums allow you to print artwork for educational purposes.  (Check out The Met and the Freer -Sackler Gallery.)  I spent an hour cropping the images to print 5x7 photos at the drug stores.  I spent an hour cutting up the pictures, pasting them on strips of poster board, and folding them into mini screens.  Yet again I went completely overboard and threw myself straight into the deep end.

Yeah.  I know.  I made a bunch.

Yeah.  I know.  I made a bunch.

I started making pillow covers for the throw pillows on the couch.  Regular, every day, pillow covers...

One knitted, and a couple of towels bought on clearance at Homegoods.

One knitted, and a couple of towels bought on clearance at Homegoods.

Halloween pillow covers...

Now, I'm looking for Thanksgiving ideas...Why not.  I made a couple to cover up the ugly pillows that came with our couch ten years ago.  That worked out well, and I felt as though I had accomplished something.  So, I made a couple more.  Well, Halloween was coming, so I made some Halloween covers.  I had enough fabric leftover to hem and give to the boys as little blankets.  Yet again.  Yet again.  Yet again.  Started as a small idea.  Jumped in feet first. Didn't stop.

Looking out over San Jose.

Looking out over San Jose.

Being the over-analytical person with depression and anxiety that I am, I can't help but try and figure out what's going on.  I know that I'm coming out of a haze.  I no longer have a completely myopic need to focus on one task at the expense of everything else.  That's good.  I can acknowledge that there is life going on around me now.  It feels good to be invested in what's going on and want to participate.  But, it comes with frustration and a sense of being lost.  I am obviously casting about and trying to find the next thing.  I'm going back to my tried and true anthem of one foot in front of the other.  It might mean a lot of random things going on.  But, at least I'm active, involved, and starting to think again.  

Look Mom.  The window makes the trees look like a picture.

Look Mom.  The window makes the trees look like a picture.

One of the ways I manage things is only one major life change at a time.  I'm itching to figure out what's next.  I miss my career.  I miss being busy and having a schedule.  I love having freedom.  I'm frustrated with too much freedom.  It's like I'm spinning in the wind right now.

 We have only been in California eight months.  It's safe to say that things are still new and not quite stable yet.  We are still working out how to keep in touch with family, travel, and make friends.  In addition, Rob's job has been a roller coaster.  After eight months, he's still trying to figure what his job is and where he's going to be.  Makes it hard to settle things when the biggest change is still up in the air.

One major life change at a time.  One foot in front of the other.  Doesn't matter where you're going as long as it's forward. We'll see what happens next.